B.E. S.M.A.R.T. ©
Parent Resources
Tips to help keep your child safe!
Protecting and nurturing children is something caregivers do every day. Talking openly about personal body safety is another way adults can educate, empower, and protect children.
B.E. S.M.A.R.T. was created by Prevent Child Abuse Delaware (PCAD) and is designed to teach children about personal body safety and child abuse in an age-appropriate and child-friendly manner.
Below you will find details about what children learn at each grade level through the program, as well as resources to help you and your family B.E. S.M.A.R.T. and stay safe.
Children participating in the B.E. S.M.A.R.T. program receive an activity book developed to help reinforce concepts taught during the program. The book contains resources that will allow you to continue this important conversation with your child.
Family follow-up activities are also included in each book. We encourage caregivers to use them to help reinforce the concepts discussed with children during the program.
Need help getting the conversation started with a child in your life?
Click below to download our free Safety Talk Questions.
What children learn:
Kindergarten - 2nd Grade
Feelings:
· ALL feelings are okay and important.
· Feelings are not ‘good’ or ‘bad’ – it’s the way you express them that makes them helpful or harmful.
· Expressing feelings can help keep children safe.
· Safe adults care about all your feelings and are there to listen, help, and protect you.
Help children identify and talk about their feelings. Model identifying and expressing feelings for your child.
Books that help children learn about feelings:
Sometimes I Feel Like a Mouse
Jeanne Modesitt
What Makes Me Happy?
Catherine and Laurence Anholt
Today I Feel Silly & Other MOODS That Make My Day
Jamie Lee Curtis
The Feelings Storybook
Alexandra Delis-Abrams, Ph.D
The Very Angry Day That Amy Didn't Have
Lawrence Shapiro
A to Z Do You Ever Feel Like Me?
Bonnie Hausman
Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
Judith Worst
The Hurt
Teddi Doleski
Andrew's Angry Words
Dorothea Lachner
I Was So Mad
Mercer Mayer
The 3 Safety Rules:
Rules to follow if someone hurts you or touches you in a way you don’t like:
Say No!
Get Away (if you can)
Tell Someone (sometimes it’s okay to yell for help)
The 4 Private Places:
Mouth, chest, and the two places covered by underwear.
No one should touch or look at these places on the body unless they are helping you to keep your body CLEAN or HEALTHY.
(If children ask why the mouth is a private place – it is because you decide who you are comfortable giving a kiss to or getting a kiss from.)
Review the four private places regularly with children and give examples of times when it is okay for someone to touch their private places, help clean their body, doctor, etc
Safe People:
· Adults you know very well and can trust who are over the age of 18.
· Someone who is caring and kind, listens to you, and helps you.
· These can be adults in your family such as parents/other caregivers and/or outside of your family (i.e. relatives, teachers, neighbors)
Discuss the characteristics of a safe person and ask your child to identify at least two safe people. Encourage your child to identify someone outside of your family. When children are being hurt they often disclose to someone outside of the family as a way to protect their caregiver.
Touches:
· Good touch – any touch that makes you feel happy, does not hurt or one you don’t mind getting from someone. Not everyone likes the same kinds of touches.
· Bad touch – any touch that hurts you or makes you feel sad, angry or scared; one you should not give or get from someone.
· Secret touch – any touch you receive that you are told to keep a secret; especially if it involves private places on the body. Secret touches should always be told.
· Your body belongs to you – YOU get to decide what is a good touch or a bad touch for you!
Review with your child and help them understand that sometimes good touches can become bad touches. This happens when the child doesn’t want to be touched or the touch starts to hurt for example when someone hugs you too tight.
Books that you can read with your child about touches:
I Said No: A Kid-to-Kid Guide to Keeping Private Parts Private
Zack and Kimberly King
Your Body Belongs to You
Cornelia Spelman
My Body is Private
Linda Malvoord Girard
Body Boundaries Make Me Stronger
Elizabeth Cole
Secrets: (1st grade and above)
· Good secret – a secret about something that makes you feel happy or excited; a secret you don’t mind having or keeping such as a special surprise or gift you are giving someone.
· Bad Secret – a secret about something that makes you feel sad, angry, scared, or worried; about you or someone you know being hurt, or possibly being hurt; or about someone doing something unsafe.
· You should ALWAYS TELL bad secrets to a trusted adult. No secrets should be kept forever!
3rd Grade – 6th Grade
Same as K-2 plus:
Behaviors of a Safe Adult
Safe adults SHOULD:
· Be a good listener and give you their full attention when you have something important to talk about.
· Help you when you have a problem.
· Be caring and kind to you.
· Set limits to keep you safe.
· Be respectful of your body/boundaries.
Safe adults SHOULD NOT:
· Make fun of you when you’re scared.
· Ask you to keep bad secrets from other adults in your life.
· Touch private places on your body without a good reason.
· Say mean/hurtful comments to you all of the time.
· Hurt your body in a way that leaves bruises or other serious injuries.
The Four Types of Child Abuse:
Physical Abuse – when a parent/caregiver hurts a child on purpose in a way that leaves marks, bruises or causes serious injury.
Emotional Abuse – when a parent/caregiver repeatedly uses their words to hurt a child. (i.e. “you are stupid” “you are worthless” “I can’t stand you”)
Neglect – when a child is not provided with the basic things they need to be healthy or safe (i.e. food, shelter, clean clothes)
Sexual Abuse – when someone touches a child’s private place without a good reason (to keep the child clean or healthy) or asks/forces a child to touch their private place. Sexual abuse could also include taking/showing pictures of a child’s private places.
The difference between abuse and punishment:
Punishment is a consequence of making a bad choice that does not hurt or cause an injury to the child. Examples given include losing screen time, spending time in your room or not being allowed to be with friends/go somewhere fun.
Abuse is when someone hurts your body on purpose, leaving a bruise or causing other injuries.
Child abuse is never OKAY and it is never your FAULT if someone abuses you.
5th and 6th Grade Only – everything above plus:
Boundaries:
· Personal boundaries are limits and rules we set for ourselves and others. It is important for children to know how to set boundaries and what to do if someone violates one of their boundaries.
· Everyone has physical boundaries as well as emotional boundaries. A physical boundary refers to your personal space and your comfort level with someone in that space. An emotional boundary refers to your personal information and who/how much you choose to share that with OR if someone else is saying/doing something that makes you feel awkward, weird, or uncomfortable.
· There are four ways to set a boundary with someone:
o Be direct/assertive – say exactly what your limit is. (i.e. “No thank you, I do not want a hug right now.”)
o Make an excuse – use an excuse to set a limit and get out of an uncomfortable situation. (i.e. “I’m not feeling well today so I can’t hug you right now.”)
o Use humor – say something funny/silly to get your point across. (i.e. “You know I only give hugs on holidays!”)
o Ignore/leave the situation – move away from the person or leave the situation if it is safe to do so.
· Always tell a safe adult if someone is repeatedly violating one of your boundaries.
Discuss boundary setting with your child. Review examples in your child’s activity book.